This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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