fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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