I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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