her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
