Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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