I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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