i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize