Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
