No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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