I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
