Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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