I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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