walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
