just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
