No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize