dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have aggressive nipples.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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