Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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