i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
