We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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