You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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