Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
