after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
