Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
