Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
