Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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