We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
