i think i have two assholes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am naked and annoyed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize