she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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