Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize