if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
