My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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