I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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