I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize