those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize