yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
