Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He passed out mid-signature
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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