Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
