I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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