Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
