If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
