Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
