Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
