If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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