I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
