where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
