I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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