the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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