So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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