what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
