This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
