Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
