So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
