Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize