We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
