Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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