3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
