I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
