forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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