Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
