Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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