I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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