I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
