We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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