I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize