Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
