I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize