i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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