I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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