What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
