It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
