Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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