If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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